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Emily

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July 25th, 2012

Same shit, different day

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By the way, I think my journal has been spammed or something. I have been getting emails about comments that are YouTube videos but nothing shows up in my messages. Oh well.

I think I am depressed. I hate my job and I am starting to hate life. I get constantly rejected for jobs that I am qualified for. Some members of my family think I am a failure because I don't have a job related to my major. My friends don't call/text/visit me much anymore. I know that people drift apart as they grow up,  get married, move, get jobs, have kids, etc. Whatever that's fine. It hurts me sometimes to see photos of my friends on Facebook doing things without me which happens to me A LOT. I figured if they wanted me to be there/actually liked me they would invite me. I have learned that friends just let you down and hang out with people they think better. I am sick of giving to people and getting nothing in return. I am going to close myself off even more and see who reaches out to me and actually gives a damn about me. I haven't had much of an appetite this week. Don't care. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I am not even excited about getting married next year or the possibility that I might have a better future waiting for me. I  keep turning my phone off earlier and earlier every night because no one contacts me. I need therapy but I am too embarrassed to go. 

If I don't get something else soon I am going to go back to school and switch careers. I had an interview last week for an awesome job. Still haven't heard anything. I want to be positive but I have come to the conclusion that positive thinking doesn't work. Most things are out of your control and people make decisions that effect you and you can't do anything about it. 

I don't like feeling this way but I have a feeling I better get used to it because nothing good has been coming my way. 

June 25th, 2012

Fanmix- Buffy and Spike

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Medium: TV and comics
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Subject: Buffy and Spike (Spuffy)
Title: Unfinished Love
Warnings: No spoilers

1. Teenage Dream by Katy Perry 

You think I'm pretty without any make-up on

You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong  

I know you get me, so I let my walls come down

2. Obstacle 1 by Interpol 

I wish i could eat the salt off your last faded lips

We can cap the old times make playing only logical harm

We can top the old lines clay-making that nothing else will change


3. The Funereal of Hearts by HIM 

Love's the funeral of hearts 

And an ode for cruelty

When angels cry blood on flowers of evil in bloom


4. Demolition Lovers by My Chemical Romance 

Hand in mine, into your icy blues

And then I'd say to you, we could take to the highway

With this trunk of ammunition too

I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets


5. Take Me On The Floor by The Veronicas

 The lights are out and I barely know you

We're going up and the place is slowing down

I knew you'd come around

You captivate me, something about you has got me

I was lonely now you make me feel alive

Will you be mine tonight?

May 22nd, 2012

Avengers edits

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batman
Here are some edits I made yesterday. Feel free to save them if you want. I have always loved photo editing so it's about time I did something with it lol. More coming soon! I have some classic Hollywood edits coming soon too. 





May 17th, 2012

(no subject)

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Eric and Sophie
I finally finished college! I have a BA from the University of Kentucky. I hated college so much. I loved the people I met there and my teachers but the work I do not miss. I don't regret it and I am glad I went. Just glad it is over. I have a job now and it kind of sucks. I like the people I work with it is just boring and very fulfilling. They are laid back and don't mind you wearing jeans or foot tattoos lol. I have applied for better jobs. I really hope I get one. I don't think I can do this for much longer. 

For those who have been following me for a while I got engaged on my birthday this past October! We are eloping once my fiancee is done with school. No weddings here! Don't need that shit!

I want to start using this journal more. I really liked doing it. I have plenty of time now thanks to my boring job.

I really miss acting and writing. I don't really have a lot of time. Plus I really miss my community theater program back home. Most of the people I acted with have moved on so I know that it would never be the same again. I also used to teach an after school theatre program for teens. I really miss doing that. It was a good feeling being in charge of something and being a good influence in the lives of  younger kids. I have thought about applying to teach a class at a local arts center. Not sure though. My grandmother, great aunt, mom, and my grandad were all teachers. My grandmother tried to make me be a teacher my whole life and she still is even though I have already graduated and don't want to be one. If she found out I was doing that she would shit lol. I just thought it was fun and I like helping people. I would die in a class all day with snotty nosed little brats! 
Anyway such as life...

March 31st, 2012

I feel like this is a stupid problem to have. It is really bothering me and I need some help I like having sex. I have really bad body image issues. Usually it doesn’t effect my sex life but lately it has been. I will not mention or initiate sex with my fiancee. If it does happen I feel like I shouldn’t be having sex because I am not thin and attractive enough. I never keep the lights on and avoid certain positions. I want to keep my shirt on during sex but my fiancee like my boobs and always takes my shirt off. It makes me mad even though he doesn’t care.
I don’t like him looking at me naked even though he has seen it all before. I don’t understand how he thinks I am attractive and wants/can have sex with me.
All I think about during sex is how undesirable I am and how my stomach is huge, my boobs are gross, cellulite and my big legs.
What’s fucked up about this is that I never feel attractive and that sex is pretty much the only thing that makes me feel good about my body. And if we don’t have sex for awhile (like over a week) I start to get depressed and think that he doesn’t love me/ find me attractive anymore.
What is wrong with me?
I really would like to overcome this and not worry during sex.
I feel like I should be glad that someone loves me, wants to spend their life with me and thinks I am sexually attractive. Instead all I think about is how much my own body disgusts me. I wish my fiancee would understand that I can't change my horrible body image and that it is just a part of who I am.
Any advice would help.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

May 21st, 2011

Poor Neglected Journal

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carole
I totally forgot a had a livejournal! I forgot that I actually liked to post entries on here. I will have to remind myself how to use this again.

Life is okay for me. Currently I am sick (upper respiratory infection, boo!). I have two classes to take this summer and then a semester then I am done with college! I am interning this summer at The Mary Todd Lincoln House in downtown Lexington, Kentucky. It's actually really fun. Everyone is very nice and we all get along great. It's amazing how people from different backgrounds and interests and ages can get along and have a great time. I am helping with some administrative and marketing tasks as well as giving tours. I have learned way more about Mary Todd Lincoln in the past 2 weeks than I ever thought I would :)

Lately, I have been watching a bunch of Carole Lombard movies lately. I have always liked her but I now I am a hardcore fan. She had such an amazing life and was a great person. She had an incredible sense of humor and an equally as awesome foul mouth! Her screwball comedies are still as funny today as they were in the 1930s. I love the pranks she played on almost everyone she knew. She and Clark Gable made such a good couple. They had an excellent relationship and I think it would have lasted. Their personalities are similar to mine and my boyfriend. She was a party girl and he was calm and quite. But they brought out the best in each other and that is what really counts. It's a shame they didn't have any children. It breaks my heart when I read or think about what happened to her. If I had a time machine I would tell her not to get on that plane in 1942.

August 8th, 2010

Summer

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sophie and pam
I have had an okay summer. I took a few classes at school and online. I have been working from home for a company called Live Ops where I take calls for as seen on TV products. It's actually pretty fun. It doesn't pay that well but it gives me something to do. On August 18 I start working at a little convenient store on campus. I work Mon-Fri from 1:45 to 5:45. I am thrilled with the schedule. No weekends and holidays! Yippee! I should be graduating either in May or December of 2011. I am sick of school. It's time to move on.
I have missed a lot of friends this summer. Many of them either went home or traveled all summer. I have been somewhat depressed this summer. I have had a few good times but for the most part it has been pretty crappy. I look forward to going back to school and having an established routine again.
I am a Theatre Arts Administration major so I obviously love acting and theatre. I was in plays for 6 years straight at my old community college and I miss it so much. I have not been in a play since April 2009 and it's killing me. I have been in several of my friend's independent horror films which are a blast but it's not the same. At least it's acting, it gives me something to do, and I get to spend time with my friends. I really would love to audition for a play school. I was cast in an awful student play last semester and thankfully it was canceled. Theatre departments at large universities are extremely cliquey. I know a lot of people and everyone seems to like me. The problem is none of the professors who cast and direct know me. I really want to audition but then again I am terrified. Acting is the only thing I have decently good at and it sucks not being able to do it. :(
Here are some things that make me happy.....
My latest fan videos

This is just like an old one I made but my youtube account was deleted.

Gone with the Wind fun!

Waterloo Bridge fun!

True Blood fun!

My favorite video I have ever made!


If anyone is interested check out my other blog:http://bluekygirl.blogspot.com/
My last.fm profile: http://www.last.fm/user/bluekygirl
My youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/fangbanger31

July 29th, 2010

Listen to my Playlist

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Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

July 9th, 2010

Long time no post.

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Apparently I have forgotten all about my poor ol' live journal. I have pretty much switched over to blogger. So if anyone has a blog and/or Google friend connect feel free to follow me.
http://bluekygirl.blogspot.com
I do not plan on completely neglecting my journal. I like the blogger layout better.
I hope that everyone is well and that everyone is having a great summer!
Here are few videos for your enjoyment!

I made this yesterday


And in honor of today being the 43rd anniversary of Vivien Leigh's death

May 12th, 2010

One of the reasons I don't post as much is because of the annoying adds is there anyway to get rid of them?
I have been doing alright. For one of the first times in my life things seem to be going my way and I am getting what a want. I got one of my grades changed at school (for the better) and I have an interview for a new job as a product representative at a marketing firm. I have been working at Victoria's Secret for the past week and I hate it. They are such bitches and snobs. There are actually girls there who use fake voices when they greet customers. Gag. They expect you to dress and this is what the handbook says "sleek and sexy". What the fuck? And I was told that they prefer you ware a shoe with a heel. I really hate them. I got 2 free bras yesterday, a great discount, and tons of underwear. So thanks for the free bra, bitches! lol I better get that new job. I have a good feeling about it.
This summer all of my favorite shows are coming back. True Blood, My Life on the D-List, and Mad Men. And Sex and the City 2. I am a little concerned that it won't be that good but it might surprise you!
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